Everyone is different. I have friends who are married, divorced, wild and some a little nun’ish, but what I’ve learned from my wild friend and her “FWB” (friends with benefits) about love and life, are lessons we should all take to heart.
When my wild friend (let’s call her Wendy) began dating a man who wanted nothing more than commitment-free hookups, she knew loud and clear what she was getting into. Believe me, when I say this, I’m not defending this kind of man but in this situation, it wasn’t entirely his fault. Wendy allowed this bad behavior to continue and as the unfortunate situation unfolded it made me take a look at my life. I’ve shared a few insights below.
Don’t let others manipulate you
At first, Wendy was having fun with her new “boy toy” but made the mistake of developing feelings for him. This man had a way of making Wendy think he was doing her a favor by sleeping with him. Wendy and I met for lunch, and she couldn’t stop talking about this guy. It was then that I started to recognize myself in her conversation. It made me realize places in my life where I was being used.
Make yourself a priority
A while back I too had someone who tried to make me believe they were “helping-me-out” but in reality I was the one making all the sacrifices. In truth, I was helping them. The whole time I “helping them out” I was never thanked or appreciated or treated with respect which was very hurtful. Watching Wendy and her situation unravel, made me gather the courage to tackle my problems. It’s time to remove those emotionally suffocating people out of the picture. I had finally made “me” a priority.
A real friend will not exclude you from their group
In Wendy’s situation, she was only texted when the “D-bag” was coming over. They never went out in public, took a walk in the park or out to a movie. He was either embarrassed, or he didn’t view her as worthy. It mirrored my situation. My so-called friend would do charity events and participate in other public services but would never invite me. I’d only hear how great they were after the fact. People like that are NOT friends. In healthy relationships, a real friend or boyfriend should be proud to hang out with you no matter where you are.
Wendy always put on her best face when this creep was around and in my situation, I did the same. Sometimes I would just ignore them when they were in their judgemental mood about how I ran things, but it was still upsetting. Everyone deserves to be “Who-They-Are” and people need to accept that. Hiding behind a fake facade is not only humiliating, but you’re sacrificing a part of yourself when doing it. When they make a point to make you feel small or unimportant, just remember, they have no idea what your life is like until they walk a mile in your shoes. They have no right to judge you. Next time you feel the need to be someone else, throw your shoulders back and make a promise never to be a fake person again.
It’s okay to be single
When this mess ended, and Wendy came to her senses, she admitted how she would rather be single than ever see another man like that again. And thankfully, I’d made key life changes too. I have no room in my life for “users”. Respect is something everyone should show toward others, regardless of who they are, how much money they make, or how high their social status. Life is all about self-discovery and during those man-free or bad friend breaks, you might learn to write, or become a fishing champ, or a lover of mountain climbing. Never let anyone keep you from reaching your full potential, you might be surprised with a few hidden talents that you never knew existed.
Want more in life
The whole time Wendy was seeing her “FWB”, she justified it by telling everyone that the sex was great and in my case, I thought to have someone around with a high social standing was somehow a good thing, until I realized…. SO WHAT? Putting up with degradation is not the answer. Wendy deserved better and so did I.
Appreciate what you have
Wendy learned the hard way when it came to falling for the wrong person and after my ordeal, it made me appreciate my entire family more than anything else. People who truly love you, want what’s best for you. Having their support allowed me to move forward with my life, and I will forever be grateful. Without them, I wouldn’t be the person I am today and what became crystal clear was those type of individuals ARE your real friends.
Wait for LOVE or a TRUE Friendship
I learned a great deal from both Wendy’s and my experience. The on that sticks out most is it’s better to wait for the real deal then jump into another bad, life-lesson because really… haven’t we had enough of those already!!!
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