The Letter to My Girls…

The Letter to My Girls...
The Letter to My Girls...

Part Three

Be an excellent host.

When you have people in your home be of service, be generous, make it memorable with good food and conversation and pictures. People should be comfortable. The best of times can be had with simple food, surroundings and not a lot of production so don’t miss out on life’s great opportunities thinking everything has to be perfect. You can give ordinary moments the royal touch.

Accountable and Responsible

Mom, I broke your vase and dad will buy you a new one. No, that’s not it. Being accountable is being the person who will replace the vase by being responsible for their actions. Be responsible for yourself. Don’t drive with anyone drinking. Use a code word to get out of a situation when you really need help. Say “hey I forgot to feed the cat” as an example (we don’t have a cat – so we know that wherever you are it’s time to pick you up, no questions asked.) However, the accountable/responsible scenario still applies. You are a phone call away from a lot of people who would move mountains for you so don’t be afraid to ask. Especially when you have blown it, made a mistake and really need some help.

Pay it forward

Bloom where you cuteheelsare planted – Life is not always fair, but since you are not in elementary school anymore, you should have already figured that one out for yourself. How you handle yourself when things don’t go your way or “according to plan” is one of the very best lessons in life. While we are busy planning our life away (God is laughing just a little bit). So when your sky turns gray, and the dream job you were “for sure” going to land ends up hiring a Barbie Bimbo, and when you get a good drop kick out of your comfort zone, it’s time to unpack those big girl panties and put on your boots. Be awesome wherever you are. I believe we don’t actually fall into things by chance; we are where we are to learn and grow and move on. There are some life lessons you can only learn in a storm.


Life is not going to be fair, things won’t go as you wanted, some boy will break your heart, your “best friend” will stab you in the back. Not if, but when that happens you have to move on. It’s not that easy sometimes, but this is the truth. As your mom, I can tell you I have had my share of terrible heartaches. You have to choose how long to mourn what has happened. If you still harbor resentment, you are not over it. For years I read books on forgiveness and ended up throwing most of them across the room when I arrived at one chapter or another because “they didn’t understand MY challenge”, and they were writing about something that “in theory” sounded like good advice but had not happened “to them”. So why were they writing a book on forgiveness? The nerve! Then one day I read something that didn’t say “forgive them and be at peace, forgive and forget, and some of that other “forgiveness sappy crap”. I read that forgiving someone meant you experienced something that left you a different person. Acknowledge it. You survived. It may have been brutal, ugly, unfair, not right and down right terrible and now it is over, and you have the opportunity to choose to move on. Get going now and don’t look back. The windshield is large, so you can see where you are going. The rearview mirror is small and is for glancing. You can’t move forward while looking in the rearview mirror for very long. Don’t trip over what is behind you.

It is OK to be upset

Ok to be challenged, ok to have heartache, ok to cry, stomp your feet and truly mourn the loss of something monumental. When you are having a hard time getting out of your funk, then it’s for sure time to stop wallowing in your own self-pity and start helping somebody else. Do it quickly! Don’t wait, mourn, be sad, fall down and be depressed for too long. Life is SO short, and the days race by and you can’t get them back. When I look back on my difficult times, my regret is how long it took me to get back on track and running again. So, acknowledge it, accept it, make peace with it and go back to kicking ass. If you don’t have a few scars, then you are not taking risks. Don’t live in the slow lane; it’s boring. Your life experiences form and develops who you are becoming as adults. Challenges are there to change us, not break us. I like this quote by Benjamin Disraeli, “There is no education like adversity.” and “In prosperity, our friends know us; in adversity, we know our friends.” – John Churton Collins

I like what Jackie O says about raising kids, “If you bungle raising your children, I don’t think whatever else you do matters very much.” So, just know that I love you, I expect amazing, wonderful things from each of you and Girls, don’t forget to put sauerkraut in the turkey.

I love you.
– Mom

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VIAShelleen Valenty